A. H. Wong

Chapter Twenty Five

 

Sarah's Notes

 

Dated June 5th, 2012

 

Titled "Martin"

 

I was the last one to see him alive. Martin's corpse was found today. He looked smushed. Guess that's what happens when you fall of the roof of a seven-floor building, especially if some of the floors are taller than normal. He died on impact.

 

No one, not even Master John, knows how he snuck out of the Agency unseen. A guard must have let him out....Can't wait to see if we ever find out how. I wonder what we'll do if we find out how he got out. Did he just sneak out by the guards? Did someone release him? Did he find a way past through the bars on the windows?

 

Still, no matter how he got out, there's no way it will work now. Master John probably got that escape route fixed the second he found out what Martin had done.

 

A shame, that.

 

Maybe I could have found Beatrix.

 

David tells me I ought to feel guilty. I told him, after Martin had left, about the fight I'd had with him. I told him I wasn't planning on apologizing, because that dude had deserved to be yelled at. Everybody knows he got Beatrix to sleep with him, and everybody also knows he had it in for Taylor. Also, the fact that the dude is a social outcast....

 

Makes hating him even easier.

 

David told me I should feel responsible for his death, that I pretty much talked him into it. I don't get that. I didn't push him off the roof. I didn't let him out the front door. I didn't force him to scale the walls. Hell, I didn't even know he'd figured out how to do that. I always thought that the roof-climbing thing was stuff reserved mainly for seventh floor residents.

 

I'm not going to feel responsible. Not now, not ever.

 

You see, if I started doing something as foolish as feeling guilty, I'd never stop washing the blood from my hands.

 

~

 

Sarah's Notes

 

Dated June 8th, 2012

 

Titled "School's Out for Good"

 

Master John announced it today. The school's closing, and everyone's just automatically recieving a passing grade for whatever year they're in. Can't say I'm sad about that. Looks like I just passed highschool.

 

He's making sure none of us talk about it. He hasn't said yet whether or not we'll be released—heck, he hasn't even said that about any of the younger ones. He ought to at least release those ones—can't expect him to ever give a damn about us on the seventh floor, but the kids? The actual children? Those ought to be let out of here.

 

I can't believe he won't let them out of here.

 

Are the Agency's secrets really valuable enough to be risking so many lives?

 

Did Taylor doom us all, even though he felt that Master John couldn't kill all of us? Was he wrong?

 

I'm terrified to know the answer.

 

Everyone is. I can't even describe the amount of sobbing I hear. Everyone, even those on the seventh floor, are walking around like the undead. Gone are the laughter and well-meant cruelty, and even the hypersexuality has faded out. I am starting to feel the same way—we are all dead inside now. None of us know what to say anymore.

 

Is it going to stay this way forever? Are we ever going to get back the things we lost, return to normal?

 

Will we ever be able to say we love each other again?

 

Speaking of that, I'm not sure how long David and I are going to last. He doesn't seem able to forgive me, or understand me, about what happened with Martin. I keep trying to tell him that I never meant for this to happen, that I didn't mean to do this, but he won't listen to me. He keeps saying that I killed him. That I should've helped Martin, and maybe he could've been useful to us.

 

Master John won't even talk to anyone about Martin. He says we shouldn't care about it, that it isn't worth thinking about. He says we're idiots, and that Martin had no idea what he was talking about. He tried to play it off, in front of me, like Martin had had a mental breakdown.

 

The liar.

 

I hope Master John burns in hell for the things he has done.

 

~

 

Sarah's Notes

 

Dated June 12th, 2012

 

Titled "Beatrix is Dead"

 

He announced it today.

 

Beatrix is never coming home.

 

I can't say I'm surprised. After she was gone for so long, all of us just came to the conclusion that she was gone. I'm not even sad that she's gone anymore—everything else is hurting me so much. There was an impromptu funeral for her, though. All of us seventh floor residents got together and talked for hours. We talked about nothing and everything for a couple hours. Ate and drank as much as we could—the cafeteria people gave us the food for free.

 

Nobody knows what to say anymore, least of all me. I just try and stay happy, try and act like I know what to do. But, everything's harder now that Beatrix really is gone.

 

I can't believe we didn't know her that well.

 

All of us are shocked about that. She never opened up that much, even in group therapy. Still, she was always the warmest person there. When we had to choose who to sit beside, who to talk to....All of us would choose Beatrix. We felt like she understood, more than Taylor did.

 

I wish we could talk to Taylor again.

 

I wish we could talk to Beatrix again.

 

I wish I could tell them we were sorry.

 

I wish I could apologize for not understanding.

 

I wish I could apologize for making Beatrix feel afraid and alone.

 

I wish I could tell Taylor how much I wished I had understood him more.

 

I wish we could tell them that it was okay....

 

It's okay....

 

They can come home now.

 

~

 

Sarah's Notes

 

Dated June 18th, 2012

 

Titled "The Culling Begins"

 

The population of the Agency for Unwanted Children is decreasing.

 

I noticed it this morning.

 

The tables in the main cafeteria, that were always crowded with people?

 

Every.

 

Single.

 

Table.

 

Had seats missing.

 

Every single residence.

 

Every single table.

 

For all we know, this hasn't only happened here. For all we know, every single building in the Agency....

 

For all we know, residents coud be missing everywhere.

 

David and I did a headcount of the Plucked Feather residents.

 

We're missing six.

 

Leslie included.

 

David and I are spending the night together tonight. We have no idea when these residents were taken away, so he and I aren't planning on losing a single moment together. If he and I could be separated at any time, then we aren't wasting our time.

 

Oh, god.

 

If I'm going to lose him, I'm going to make damned sure he knows how much I love him first.

 

Maverick and Janelle were sent away after finalizing their love for each other, wearing matching rings.

 

If he and I are sent away, I want to go just like that.

 

~

 

Sarah's Notes

 

Dated June 20th, 2012

 

Titled "We Are Out of Hope"

 

The culling of the Agency for Unwanted Children hasn't stopped. The food deliveries have, though.

 

Are we going to stay trapped here until we die?

 

Most of the employees are gone. We don't think any of them are alive. Master John won't leave his office anymore. We aren't surprised by that at all.

 

We still don't know what's happening to the residents who go missing.

 

We fall asleep, and in the morning, their doors are open. Their beds are empty. No one ever finds any sign of them after that. Hell, last night somebody was taken when their lover was in the bed beside them.

 

We're probably being drugged. Sleeping gas, sounds like it.

 

I'm not even scared anymore. David isn't, either. We just hold each other all the time now.

 

It isn't worth fighting anymore.

 

It isn't worth thinking we'll ever escape.

 

There's no hope anymore.

 

~

 

Beatrix' Diary

 

June 21st, 2012

 

Dear Diary,

 

I'm safe here

 

I can't even tell you how much of a blessing Veto has been to me. Ever since I realized that Master John was never going to send someone for me, I've been trying to deal with the fact that I am alone. But, now that Veto is looking after me? I feel a lot less alone. I'm starting to feel like I'm actually cared about again.

 

I haven't felt like that since....

 

Since Taylor died.

 

I....

 

No. I-I can't think about that now. If I stop, if I let it overtake me, I won't be able to move anymore. I won't be able to escape, I won't be able to keep my head above water. The grief will take me down. I know it will.

 

I know that Taylor told me that my weakness arose from my strength, but I can't believe that. I know he told me that, due to the simple fact that I still feel the kinds of pain that other Agency members don't, means I'm stronger than they are. But that doesn't make any sense—Maverick and Janelle would handle this a lot better.

 

Oh, god....

 

Maverick and Janelle.

 

I-I don't know how they died. We weren't even told if they died.

 

All of us just assumeed that they did.

 

S-So, maybe....

 

Maybe they're alive somewhere?

 

I doubt Master John would have sent me to the same place as them, though. Speaking of which, I'm not sure if I like NYC or not. It's a far cry from the Agency's controlled environment....

 

I think I'm starting to like it here, though. Veto's taking me out of the shelter a lot more now. He's taken me out to restaurants more than I expected, actually—he seems insistent that I stay fed. I'm starting to really like him. I mean, he is never going to be what Taylor was for me, but.....

 

He is definitely going to be close.

 

I'm thinking he likes me, too. But, what if he doesn't? What if I'm reading way too much into this?

 

I....I really hope I'm not. But, I still don't know him that well! He's odd. He's strange. He doesn't talk much about his past—then again, I don't either, so I can't blame him for that one. He likes rocks to a weird level. He sometimes fades into monologues that I don't entirely understand.

 

But, he gives me toffees.

 

So that makes up for all of the weirdness.

 

Well, mainly.

 

Speaking of Veto, he told me he wants to take me out to the movies today. I haven't ever actually been to the movies. Not that I remember.

 

Sure, I've seen them, though. Sarah was always handy for sneaking us movies, and watching them with us. Also, the occasional residence movie night was pretty fun. Heck, I even went to one or two with Martin, and the rest of his residence. Mine never was the most 'social' one.

 

I miss all of them now, though. I wonder where Sarah and David are.

 

I wonder if they're alive.

 

I mean, it's not like Master John would have sent all of them away, right?

 

He wouldn't be that heartless?

 

Oh, who am I kidding....

 

He killed Taylor in front of me.

 

That man is capable of anything.

 

~

 

Beatrix' Diary

 

June 22nd, 2012

 

Dear Diary,

 

Veto does like me

 

He held my hand last night. I mean, I know he's done that before, but he never....Did it like THIS before. He never held it tight like that, or guided it to his lips for a kiss. I-I almost bolted when he did that.

 

I am so inexperienced....

 

What if he's like Martin?

 

What if he just wants sex from me?

 

I-I can't get involved in something like that again. I can't get hurt again. Not now, not after everything. I know....I KNOW I can't survive it.

So, why am I not running away from Veto yet? Why am I letting him slowly get close to me? Why didn't I pull my hand away, tell him no, ask him to back off? Why am I starting to enjoy his attentions?

 

What am I doing with him?

 

I-I'm just going to get hurt again, won't I?

 

After....

 

After everything, all this is going to do is cause me to be hurt again.

 

I'm so stupid.

 

I'm such an idiot.

 

I should run away from him, leave this shelter, get out of the city! I never spent very long in the Agency, so there's absolutely no way at all that I have lost my skills. I know I can survive on the street again, and all that training they put me through had to be good for something.

I was so scared when they were training me, though. I knew that they wanted me to do. I knew what they wanted me to become, and that it was as good as a death sentence. Still, I apparently....

 

I apparently took to the art of killing like a pro.

 

I don't understand h-how I, of all people, could be so good at killing someone. I don't want to know why....

 

Why the thought of that pedophile's corpse, covered in blood and blademarks, made me feel at peace.

 

I don't want to know why the act of murder silenced my mind.

 

I don't want to know why destorying a life made mine easier to live.

 

I-I....

 

I wonder if it was the same for Maverick. I wonder if this was the reason why she was well-known for her kills, for her time spent murdering. I wonder if this is why she was known for being so brutal.

 

I wish I had known her more.

 

I-I wish I had known her more.....

 

I wish I had known all of them more. I wish I had been at the Agency for more than a hectic three months.

Oh, god, was it really that short?

 

February to the end of April?

 

Was that really....

 

Was that really all the time it took for everything in my life to change? For me to have my heart healed, and broken once more?

 

If it really was that short a time, then I....

 

I wonder how long it will take for my life to change again.

 

~

 

Master John's Record

 

June 22nd, 2012: Beatrix is Surviving

 

I am almost impressed with her. Many people would see it as strange, my being impressed with someone I have abandoned. She is handling it well, however—she is even developing a potential relationship with that strange man. Now, I wish I could say that I had had a hand in Veto's interest in her, but I had no dealings in it.

 

In fact, I'm not sure how much I am going to like him.....

 

I can foresee him becoming far too close to her. I can foresee him figuring out who she is, which will—of course—lead to his death. I can only hope that Beatrix herself is aware of this fact, because there is no way that anyone who becomes close to her will be allowed to live. I want this girl to be tested, for now that Taylor is gone, she is my only remaining operative.

 

Then again, that isn't exactly true....